I’ve recently had to really examine what an abundant life means for me. For years my life has been church, work and home. I have friends and we talk to each other and spend time with each other but there was still something missing. I would watch people from church throw themselves parties to celebrate their life or get married after being at church for a short time and I would be happy for them but sad at the same time. Why couldn’t those things happen for me?
All of my life I’ve felt less than and unimportant. I always wanted to stay in the background and hidden from sight. It was safe and comfortable for me but it was extremely lonely. I started exploring sex at an early age because then I was able to be the person I wanted to be-confidant and strong. I felt like I was in control and that it was the only time I had a voice. I became bold and started to only think of myself. I messed up friendships and missed out on healthy relationships because of it. But even in all of that I was still lonely.
It took me moving to California and yet another unhealthy relationship to realize that I was searching for something. One Friday I was sitting at the bus stop and saw a flyer for church. I picked it up wondering exactly where the church was but once I got on the bus I didn’t give it another thought. The next day there was a knock on my door. It was a few of the women from the church on the flyer. We talked for a few minutes and I found out the church was literally right around the corner from where I was living. Sunday morning I walked into the church and in the back I listened to the preacher, broke down and gave my life to Jesus. He’d been knocking on my heart since I was in junior high school and it was time to stop running away and answer Him.
But even after that I still struggled with sex and how I viewed myself. I moved back home to Minnesota and fell into a routine. I met someone and because I so desperately wanted what other people had-someone to love me-I forced something that I should have walked away from. I wasted almost 10 years of my life trying to hold onto the wrong man because I didn’t think I deserved better. But it wasn’t just the relationship. I didn’t think that I deserved a better life.
The first three months of my life was spent in the hospital fighting to survive. I was born prematurely with a condition called Gastroschisis which means my intestines were on the outside of my body. I’ve grown up to be a relatively healthy individual but somewhere in my mind I developed the thought that I was lucky to just be alive so I shouldn’t expect to have a good life.
That’s not how God wants us to live. We are all put on this
earth for a purpose greater than ourselves. By not understanding how important
I am I allowed many years of my life to be wasted. I don’t know exactly where
this journey will put me or why it’s taken me this long to realize my worth but
I trust that this is the time for me to speak boldly. Our lives were not given
for us to sit back and be satisfied with the status quo. God personally
breathed life into us and created us for fellowship with Him and with others.
Everyone’s abundant life will manifest itself differently in the physical. Your
abundant life could be a house full of happy children; the job of your dreams; speaking
up for those you don’t have a voice. Whatever it is I am confident that none of
it could be possible without Jesus.
Don’t let your abundant life slip through your hands. No
matter where you are or who you are God has a plan for you. Stand up and take
back your life.
