What Doesn't Kill You

I was watching Dateline the other day and they featured a story about a woman who was murdered outside her front door. The stress of the investigation was too much for her brother to handle and a year after her death he committed suicide. Six months after that her daughter was killed in a car accident the night before her high school graduation. As I watched this story my heart broke for all that the family had to endure-three deaths in one family within 2 years. I can't begin to imagine how they must have felt. The sorrow, the sadness, the questions they must have had as to why it was happening to them.

But then I remembered God's word and I thanked Him that His word is always true. He said he would never put more on us than we could bear (1 Corinthians 10:13) and that He would never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). No matter what we are facing we have to believe God at His word and draw on that to get us through our hard times. God's yoke is easy and His burden is light but we make things more difficult on ourselves by internalizing how we're feeling and holding on to hatred, bitterness, anger, despair instead of leaning on God.

This entire family could have given up in the face of tragedies so close together but they didn't allow it to consume them. The matriarch of the family stated that the person that killed their daughter may have taken her from them but he will never take the essence of who they are. Now I don't know if they are Christians but I do know that they have hope and that they are stronger for what they've endured.

Sometimes during our trials we feel as if no one understands us and that the pain is too much for us to bear but if we hold onto God's word He has promised to go through it with us. As I look back over my life and think about choices I've made that I felt were out of my character, the consequences as a result of those and the feeling of wanting to give up I remember turning to the both the book of Job and the 23rd Psalms to help me refocus and regain perspective but most of all I regained my hope.

The entire book of Job shows us how to endure when we suffer loss of family, health, material things and the 23rd Psalms tells how God will lead us through no matter what. I was able to turn to the Bible for my strength.

Where do you turn for your strength? 

Are You a Missing Person?

Help me, help me! I've lost her!

Ma'am who did you lose?

Please just help me find her!

I can't help you until I know who you've lost.

I've lost me!

A very dear friend of mine recently started a five week workshop focusing on becoming a better you and on the second week she talked about finding the "her" that you are meant to be. That got me to thinking about a lot of things but in particular it got to me thinking about being a missing person.

100% of the population focuses on someone in the past that was taken or lost but I wanted to focus on a different aspect...what about the missing person in the future? The person that God called you to be that will never be found because of fear, anxiety, worry, guilt...chains of bondage. So often we are stuck in a situation not because we want to be but because our minds are so chained up we don't know any better. We stay in jobs that are no longer providing us what we need. We stay in relationships or friendships because we don't want to be alone. We stay at churches because it's the one we grew up in even though our time of growth has come to an end.

God's plan does not include for us to stay dormant and stagnant in a church, job, relationship and even a place of residence. God's plan is to constantly move us higher and closer to Him to create a level of dependence so deep with Him that to move without Him seems unnatural. Sometimes, as I learned tonight, we will lose people we were once close with and things we once thought were important in our search to find our missing person.

The missing person that God placed deep down in your spirit just waiting to be found. The missing person that will occasionally pop her head out for sunshine but we are so oblivious to who she is we don't recognize her. The missing person that is that voice crying out in the wilderness (Apostle John). The missing person that is standing alone in a desert waiting for rain (Noah). The missing person speaking up for a nation even though it may cost them their life (Moses and Esther).

No it won't be easy. Yes you may feel alone. Yes you will cry out to God "why me" but at the end of your journey you will shout "THANK YOU JESUS I HAVE FOUND MY MISSING PERSON-I HAVE FOUND ME."

What I've Learned

I'm sitting here at my computer thinking about all of the things that have happened in my life-things that were out of my control and things that were in my control and I realized that through all of it the one constant that was always there, excluding myself, has been God.

Today I came one step closer to realizing a dream that I've had and prayed about for years. I have a scar on my stomach that has been there since birth and I've wanted it removed for as long as I can remember. I know some people may say that it's no big deal and that I've lived it with this long why can't I continue living with it but it's not about the scar itself-it's about what the scar represents. I've always looked at this scar as a reminder of how different I was from others and it made me feel as if I wasn't as good as others. I looked at it as a curse trying to do things to compensate for what I felt was a hindrance to me.

But that was the problem, I was trying to compensate instead of looking to God for my direction and confidence. I truly believe that it's because of how I viewed the scar & myself that God didn't allow the door to open for me to have this removed before. Over the last few years I've gotten closer to God and allowed Him to change my view of myself. I have a better understanding that my worth is not made up of how nice my clothes are or how put together my hair and make-up is. My worth is made of up of the love of God and how I live everyday to show that love.

I've also thought about the Apostle Paul and how he talked about how he asked God to take away a pain he had but God reminded him that his grace was enough to endure whatever pain he had. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). He also said that he's learned to be content in whatever state he's in. (Philippians 4:11-12). And if anyone has a right to make both of those statements it's Paul. He went through a lot. First he hunted down Christians and sought to kill them but when he met Jesus he turned his life completely around and he became the hunted. But even during his time of unbelief God still cared for him. I thank God that even though I didn't see it at the time His grace was there to help me day by day and I thank God that I realized it before it was too late.

I truly believe that this surgery will happen but above all that I believe that no matter what happens God is in control and no matter what He has my best interest at heart. That alone is enough. How about you?

Comfort Zone

What are you afraid of or what makes you uncomfortable? Is it spiders? Is it heights? Or is it doing something out of character? Some people are afraid of public speaking but for me I've always been afraid of walking into a social event by myself not knowing a soul. That could have something to do with the fact that I'm an introvert who prefers to spend a Friday evening at home in a book or watching movies but last Friday I was determined not to sit at home. I went to hear someone that I've admired for quite sometime speak at a church I've never been to before and I went by myself.

Now that may not sound like a big deal but for me that was huge. Other than shopping or going to the movies I can count on one hand the times I've attended an event where I didn't know someone. I've always found some reason why I couldn't attend. I even missed a friend's wedding because of that fear but I am determined to not let that fear control me any longer.

Attending that event last Friday and even writing this blog are steps needed for me to continue down the path that God has for me regardless of what that path is. I don't know how many people will read this or why I should be doing things on my own but I do know that this is a time of preparation. Moses fled Egypt and lived with his wife and family while God prepared him to speak with Pharaoh. The apostles and many others waited in a room for the arrival of the Holy Spirit.

Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt into the land God promised them and the apostles were responsible for the birth an rapid growth of the early church and while I don't think God's plan for me measure's up to Moses or the apostles I do believe that no matter what He's got planned it's important that I allow Him to move me out of the nice comfortable life I've always known. Scary isn't it?   

What do you choose?

Picture this...you wake up on a lovely Tuesday morning and as you start to get ready for work-turn on some music, turn on the shower, start brushing your teeth as the shower warms up-BAM! the power goes out. What do you do?

Well if you're me you instantly start checking to see if it's confined to the one room or if the whole house is affected. Once you realize it is the entire house you start freaking out in your mind because your car is stuck in your garage. Then you frantically call your parents for help getting your garage door open and as you're waiting for the phone call back saying they are on their way you remember that you have co-workers that live near you and you call one of them for a ride.

Yes that was the start of my day yesterday. Thankfully the power came on before my ride arrived and I was able to get my car out of the garage but that was just the beginning. Upon arriving for work most of the day was spent dealing with power outages in the building that affected not only our computers but the air conditioning as well. I will admit it was a trying day however as with every day I had a choice to make. I could look at the situation negatively or I could look at the situation positively knowing that either outlook was going to affect my day. I chose the positive.

Please know that I struggle with this every day, every hour, every minute, every second because it's so natural for me to complain and focus on the bad instead of the good but I try to remind myself that God's word calls for us to be beacons of light (Matthew 5:14-16) and I can't possibly be that if I'm surrounded by darkness (Ephesians 5:7-14).

So my question to you is this...would you rather live in the dark, dank, unfulfilled negative space or live in the beautiful, glorious space filled with light and hope? What do you choose?

Who do you love?

I recently saw an old Facebook video from December 2014 that Tyrese Gibson posted where he talked about love and marriage. He brought up a lot of good points but the one thing he said that got me to thinking was "do I love you more than I know you?". I have to admit I had to scratch my head on that one because most people jump into marriage based on the idea that they don't want to be lonely without really spending time getting to know each other and that's where he was going with that question but I had to challenge myself to dig a little deeper.

Do I love you more than I know and love myself?

Let's paint the scene-two people meet, date, fall in love and decide to live live together as husband and wife. They stand in front of the preacher and pronounce to their friends, family and God that they promise to be together until death do they part. Fast forward 10 years and now they are sitting in front of a judge at separate tables in a courtroom fighting over children, money, houses waiting for the final decree of divorce to be filed. What happened? Did they see things about the other person they never knew were there? Or is it that they never spent enough time with themselves to learn who they are and to love who they are?

Over and over again the bible talks about knowing and loving yourself through God's eyes. The woman at the well experienced that when she talked with Jesus and saw that even through her multiple husband's Jesus saw her as someone to be valued and He forgave her sins. (John 4:9-29) Joseph showed it when he held onto the dream that God had given him. (Genesis 37-50) Both the woman at the well and Joseph, while getting to know themselves, spent time with God. The danger with not spending time with God, not knowing who we are and not loving who we are is that we lose ourselves in trying to please others. I know because that was me a few months ago. My thought process was if I did what I thought people wanted that would be showing love but I wasn't happy because my love wasn't genuine. It was guarded and I thought it was keeping me protected but that wasn't God's love. God's love is not guarded; it is bold and honest and true.

So as you sit here reading this think about the relationships in your life-family, friends, church, etc., and ask yourself this question... Am I loving you more than I know and love myself?

       

Hello Again

I started this blog three years ago a few months after I lost my job. I felt lost and didn't know what I was going to do so I did the one thing that was in my control-lean into God and ask Him what I should do. It's important to me that I try to live a life that is pleasing to Him and that includes using the gifts He has given me to give Him glory. With that said, this will be the first of many blogs written and hopefully through laughter and Gods word I can encourage as least one person to keep holding on. Thanks for reading and I wish you God's peace. 

Plug In

I recently started reading "A Jewel In His Crown" by Priscilla Shirer. She tells a story about a woman who purchased the best refrigerator money can buy, stacked it full of food but because she never plugged it in the refrigerator didn't work. Priscilla Shirer was talking about spending money to make ourselves look good on the outside

Sometime ago my Pastor at church talked about something similar. We can't expect the lights to work in the church if we never turn on the switch. Pastor Bowen was talking about accessing God's power in your life.

Both analogies got me thinking about how much we miss out on trying to be fake or by not calling on Jesus. God's desire is that our lives glorify Him. How can we do that if we can't be honest with the one who created us? Are we afraid He will find out we aren't perfect? Here's the thing: He already knows. He's just waiting for us to realize that.

The beauty of God is that He doesn't need us to be perfect to use us. Jonah wasn't perfect but he was still called to speak God's word to a nation. Moses wasn't perfect but he was used to free God's chosen people from Egyptian rule. David wasn't perfect but through his bloodline Jesus was born.

The Pharisees thought they were perfect but they missed the blessing of having Jesus' wisdom directly impact their lives and they were never used to do God's work.

So ask yourself this: are you going to live a life filled with perfection or a life filled with Jesus? 

What about your friends?

I Peter 4:12-16
¹² Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; ¹³ but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. ¹⁴ If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.^[a] On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified. ¹⁵ But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters. ¹⁶ Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter.^[b]

One of the recent messages by the Assistant Pastor at church was about being with Jesus. He talked about how we are known by the company we keep, in this case Jesus and how we are involved in things based on our associations. One particular part of his message struck a chord with me-the idea that we shouldn't be surprised when we go through things. Yes they will affect us simply because they occur but they shouldn't shake our foundation.

It got me to thinking about some of the situations I've come up against recently. Situations that seemed very critical to me while I was in them but I've come to realize that they were learning situations brought about because of my association with Jesus. I allowed those situations to take control of me instead of me taking control of the situation.

This message has opened my eyes to how I should handle what I go through. I've always known that some situations that come about are because Jesus wants to test how close we are to Him but now I'll try not to be shaken to the core when things come up against me. I may not always succeed but striving for the mark is always better than not trying at all.

The Good Life

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill & destroy; I came that they may have life and more abundantly.”

I’ve recently had to really examine what an abundant life means for me. For years my life has been church, work and home. I have friends and we talk to each other and spend time with each other but there was still something missing. I would watch people from church throw themselves parties to celebrate their life or get married after being at church for a short time and I would be happy for them but sad at the same time. Why couldn’t those things happen for me?
All of my life I’ve felt less than and unimportant. I always wanted to stay in the background and hidden from sight. It was safe and comfortable for me but it was extremely lonely. I started exploring sex at an early age because then I was able to be the person I wanted to be-confidant and strong. I felt like I was in control and that it was the only time I had a voice. I became bold and started to only think of myself. I messed up friendships and missed out on healthy relationships because of it. But even in all of that I was still lonely.

It took me moving to California and yet another unhealthy relationship to realize that I was searching for something. One Friday I was sitting at the bus stop and saw a flyer for church. I picked it up wondering exactly where the church was but once I got on the bus I didn’t give it another thought. The next day there was a knock on my door. It was a few of the women from the church on the flyer. We talked for a few minutes and I found out the church was literally right around the corner from where I was living.  Sunday morning I walked into the church and in the back I listened to the preacher, broke down and gave my life to Jesus. He’d been knocking on my heart since I was in junior high school and it was time to stop running away and answer Him.  

But even after that I still struggled with sex and how I viewed myself. I moved back home to Minnesota and fell into a routine. I met someone and because I so desperately wanted what other people had-someone to love me-I forced something that I should have walked away from. I wasted almost 10 years of my life trying to hold onto the wrong man because I didn’t think I deserved better. But it wasn’t just the relationship. I didn’t think that I deserved a better life.

The first three months of my life was spent in the hospital fighting to survive. I was born prematurely with a condition called Gastroschisis which means my intestines were on the outside of my body. I’ve grown up to be a relatively healthy individual but somewhere in my mind I developed the thought that I was lucky to just be alive so I shouldn’t expect to have a good life.

That’s not how God wants us to live. We are all put on this earth for a purpose greater than ourselves. By not understanding how important I am I allowed many years of my life to be wasted. I don’t know exactly where this journey will put me or why it’s taken me this long to realize my worth but I trust that this is the time for me to speak boldly. Our lives were not given for us to sit back and be satisfied with the status quo. God personally breathed life into us and created us for fellowship with Him and with others.

Everyone’s abundant life will manifest itself differently in the physical. Your abundant life could be a house full of happy children; the job of your dreams; speaking up for those you don’t have a voice. Whatever it is I am confident that none of it could be possible without Jesus.

Don’t let your abundant life slip through your hands. No matter where you are or who you are God has a plan for you. Stand up and take back your life.

What's In A Name?

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. But is that really true. I used to watch a show called "How Do I Look?". The premise of the show was to take individuals and perform a clothing intervention. Usually it was performed on women who felt their choice of dress was just fine even though everyone else in their lives were telling them they needed to change. Not their personality just how they dressed. I remember one episode in particular where a young lady wanted to open a non-profit to help teenage girls in trouble. Her choice of dress included a short, short mini-skirt, and a lingerie top. She was given the opportunity to present her idea to a group of potential investors, they couldn't see her but they could hear her. Everyone in the room wanted to give her money. They were enthusiastic about her idea and wanted to help her... until they saw her.

Once they saw her their perception of who she was changed. They no longer saw her as someone trustworthy. Nothing about her passion for the girls changed. Her voice didn't change and neither did her personality. The only difference was now they could see her. Every day people are placing labels and their own agendas on us. And every day whether we acknowledge it or not, we allow it to happen. Even in the bible there were labels placed on women. The woman brought to the feet of Jesus was called an adulterer but let's not forget that she wasn't in bed alone. Joseph was afraid of how Mary would be received because she was pregnant and not yet married.

Labels are a part of our world but what labels are we taking on? Powerful, talented, strong, empowered. Those are the labels we should wear proudly and with honor like a badge of courage but instead we wear labels such as weak, timid, restrained, thoughtless. Each day we walk into our physical closet and pick out our clothes for the day. We do the same thing in our emotional closet but we do it without really knowing. It's not a conscience effort. And we try our best to hide it. But it shows.

It shows in how we walk down the street. It shows in how we carry on a conversation. It shows by the company we choose to keep. And it shows in the decisions that we make. People will go out of their way to buy brand names because of the association to that brand. It makes them feel good to say they own a PS2 or a pair of Jordan's. Are people going out of their way to associate themselves with you?

Does your label have your signature or the signature of others? I had to realize that my label was the signature of others. I've allowed someone else to design, shape, sew and create my label. But not anymore. My label will forever say "Melissa Holley-Child Of God. Through Him All Things Are Possible".

What will yours say?

Going, Going Gone... What's Your Price?

Luke 12:7 “Indeed the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear, you are more valuable than many sparrows.”

Anyone that has ever watched the show Sex and the City know that its premise is to chronicle the four leading ladies as they search for love.  Admittedly it is one of my favorite shows but there were always situations where one of the women compromised who she was to get or keep a man.  All too often this is the case for women not living in a fictional T.V. show.

The scripture referenced above is found in Luke chapter 12 which talks about God’s concern and love for us.   So many times we lose sight of God’s concern in our search for “Mr. Right”-which by the way doesn’t exist.  There will always be something we have to compromise on – height, age – but we should never compromise so much we lose our self-respect.  Being alone is not fun…trust me I know; but it’s better to be lonely than to be in a relationship that is unhealthy, demeaning, and spirit-breaking.  And how sad would it be to be in a relationship and still be alone?

Take a few minutes each day to remember your worth. You should never settle for less than what you deserve.

Welcome

One of my favorite songs is "Encourage Yourself" by Donald Lawrence. When things seem out of sync in my life and talking to someone isn't the answer I think about that song and I encourage myself through God's word.

The idea for this blog came to me out of that song and out of my desire to encourage others; specifically women. There are so many images of women where we are portrayed as vindictive and back-stabbing but that is not a true representation of who we are.

My desire is to give voice to the woman that values sisterhood, treasures friendships and cultivates love through my experiences and observations. I hope you'll find this informational, entertaining but most importantly inspirational.

Thank you for reading.

Melissa Holley